Is the pursuit of personal style just another form of self sabotage?
Sometimes, I’m ashamed to admit I’m a personal stylist.
As a personal stylist, I’ve often grappled with complex debates, internally and externally, surrounding recurring themes in fashion and the media at large.
Consumerism, cultural appropriation, image and self-absorption, body dysmorphia, materiality, and vanity- all consume my consciousness through various moments of the work week.
As much as I love the transformative power of personal style & artfully crafted branding, I’m acutely aware of the systems that condition us, especially women, to obsess over appearances and feed into external powers that pull us away from our own source.
This tension between creative enthusiasm and societal pressure often feels like a tightrope. On one hand, fashion has the power to reveal, express, and celebrate our truest selves. While on the other hand, it’s inextricably linked to systems of consumerism and superficiality that can lead us to question our worth and value.
For those of us who work in or appreciate the realm of aesthetics, this paradox can create a nagging sense of shame. Sometimes, I’m even embarrassed to admit I’m a personal stylist.
It feels indulgent, perhaps even complicit, to make a career out of something that can be quite harmful to both individuals, the collective, and our planet.
But every topic contains its own duality, a dynamic interplay between opposing forces, and personal style is no exception.
“Every act has both good and evil results. Every act in life yields pairs of opposites in its results. The best we can do is lean toward the light…” – Joseph Campbell
The way we choose to present ourselves can either magnify insecurities or serve as a celebration of self-love, entirely dependant on the beliefs and intentions of the wearer.
Personal style transcends the clothes we wear; it reflects the values, emotions, and stories we infuse into our closets— shaped by the meaning we choose to assign and the ways in which we experience them.
It’s about what we deliberately choose to engage with, uplift, and bring into focus.
What’s at stake isn’t superficial, it’s the connection between our external expression and our internal truth- a resonant affirmation of “yes, this is what I stand for, this is who I am.”
Exploring Vanity Linguistically
Let’s consider the word “vanity.” It’s definition is overwhelmingly negative or unpleasant: emptiness, lack of substance, foolish pride.
However, in the spirit of exploring duality, its opposites reveal something much deeper- a constructive way to reframe the ways in which we engage with the material.
The opposite of emptiness is wholeness. Of judgment, acceptance. Of foolish pride, radiant confidence.
These opposites remind us that personal style, when approached with love and honesty, can be a path toward self-acceptance rather than self-absorption.
“There is nothing more to come that can bring you anything more than what you already are.” - Mooji
Yes, it’s true, you don’t need material things to make you whole. You don’t need to dress in a perfect way to feel like the complete version of yourself.
But that doesn’t mean the material is entirely irrelevant.
Fashion is the playdough, the raw substance through which we shape and create.
Even the refusal to care about clothing & presentation is a form of participation because (at least today) you can’t opt out of getting dressed.
Fashion is the universal language of self-expression, and whether we’re fluent or resistant, we are always speaking.
If you’re still with me.
I’m sure it’s because you’re part of a rare group that genuinely values mindfully engaging with your personal presentation.
Maybe you see it as a form of art, or perhaps you recognize that smart branding can be a powerful engine for generating wealth.
It could be that you're seeking a few reliable outfit formulas that work for you on repeat. Maybe you're aiming to be more intentional with your shopping and consumption, but still want to feel truly great in the process.
And if you find yourself connecting with this and want to invest in yourself through style and self-love, all while transforming what's in your closet, know that there is a path forward.
It starts with iteration.
Improving your personal style isn’t about perfection; it’s about process.
Start with what you know and love. Use your favorite pieces as anchors, guiding you as you experiment and expand. Even if you dream of bold transformations, your core staples will keep you grounded.
Identify what you don’t love. Figure out why. Is it the neckline? The feeling of the fabric? The hidden connotations within the style innuendos?
As you refine, try on your pieces (and full looks) as you continue posing questions:
How does this item feel when you move? Does it restrict or flow with you? Does it align with the image you want to project? My garment inspection guide is a great place to explore more questions that might seem obvious but are often overlooked.
For a deeper dive:
Explore my Substack course, The Art of Self-Expression.
Become a Founding Member of this publication and benefit from a 45 minute 1:1 style call with me.
Or, if you’re ready for hands-on support, my Signature Styling Service provides a collaborative approach to articulating your taste, curating your closet, and fostering environments (closet & home) that inspire for years to come.
A Closing Reflection
Personal style is a polarity.
It’s both a reflection of who we are and a tool to shape who we wish to become. It exists at the intersection of materiality and meaning, aesthetics and authenticity.
When approached with love, honesty, and discernment, it becomes more than clothing; it becomes a dance with identity itself, a way to unravel and reveal who we are in every stitch, seam, and silhouette.
Thank you so much for reading. Ik we’re the same type of weird and I love us for that.
How do you approach self-expression in your personal style? I’d love to hear your perspective in the comments.
Talk to you then.
X,
B
If your wardrobe just isn't clicking- and you’re really ready to level-up with discernment & intention, take a peek at what my Signature Styling Service can offer you.
If you’re fed up with:
the constant cycle of impulse buys, attempting to reignite your style from a place desperation & yearning- without a plan or a cohesive sense of your taste.
decision overload as you navigate your closet each day without a clear direction or foundation, lacking reliable outfit-formulas that save you time and energy.
the significant disconnect between what you purchase and your ideal style, which can be confusing and undermines your personal brand.
succumbing to trends & influencer recommendations that you’re not actually aligned with because you’re struggling to identify & communicate your unique perspective, but still want to feel “put together”.
It doesn’t have to be this way- there’s a smarter, more intentional approach to personal style.
How it Works:
It starts with a style audit & closet review. As we gain clarity on your challenges and conceptualize a creative direction, you'll upload your closet items to your personalized style site.
We’ll meet once per week to align on your schedule for the upcoming days. I will create 4 bespoke outfit formulas (8 outfits total), linked to your style site calendar. (The formula-based lookbook teaches you how to iterate & expand your creativity through seemingly minor changes. It sharpens your eye & perception).
Each week, we’ll target 3-5 essential categories to shop for as needed (e.g., white t-shirts, black boots, raincoats). They will be carefully selected to address the immediate priorities of your wardrobe. For each category, I’ll present multiple options tailored to your unique style and budgetary goals.
Two 1-hour style calls are available for the duration of your package for a boost of inspiration, packing assistance, or event preparation.
Enjoy complimentary premium access to my Substack for 1 year.
The proof is avail:
Hear what some of my clients have to say.
"Bari’s styling is not a short term band-aid to looking more hip. Rather, if you are ready to invest in yourself, look inward and understand who you want to exude to the world, and slowly curate a closet for yourself that will last a lifetime, connect with Bari. She has changed the way I think about clothing and I am forever grateful!"- Chloe C, ATX
“Finding those unique, high-quality pieces that I wouldn't have spotted on my own was awesome. Plus, the outfit formulas were super helpful—they'll definitely guide my future shopping and keep my impulsive buys in check.” - Morgan G, NYC
"She quickly and effortlessly understood my taste, even better than I did. Bari was able to develop a cohesive aesthetic and core principles for my style, something I had struggled to define my entire life."- Hannah D, NYC
You can read through more client experiences, here.
Pricing:
Book 1 month for $1,750, or 3 months (you can split them up throughout the year) for $4,500 (save $750).
Payment plans are also available- if you have questions or want to explore more, feel free to book a discovery call or email me at thecuratedtastemaker@gmail.com.
Thank you again for being here.
Sending sm love!!!
Whenever I think of the word iteration your name immediately comes to mind. I love this reoccurring message that you send because it's been a game changer for me. AND as I iterate on what I already own and I can take myself out of the consumption cycle, I remove myself from the shame cycle around my focus on style.
I feel like there's a lot of discourse this year around the vanity of personal style and shopping and I liken that to saying any art form is vain. Is interior design vain? Is art collecting vain? I love getting a glimpse into who someone is before they open their mouth — recently I've become obsessed with seeing the water bottles people chose to carry because it can be a window into their favorite color, or if it's covered in stickers, of what they like and where they've been. I also think, stylists like you, who come at the practice with the intention of sparking creativity and authenticity are doing more the just visual work. Finding your personal style truly can help you find a connection to yourself!