Maybe we're supposed to feel lonely.
We can share the words of our experience, but never our experience.
The most confusing part of spiritual ascension for me has been the paralleled growth in feelings of indescribable freedom/ bliss and crippling loneliness.
Part of me revels in the Magic of my unique inner world- discovering life on the other side of societal conditioning, deliberately creating my reality with every thought and decision. Not only facing fear head on but welcoming it, comforting it, & knowing that beyond it lies my true purpose.
A large part of me yearns to share these realizations with others, you. To help you see what I see- knowing that I never truly can.
I was listening to Shallow Ocean’s podcast today, he said… "the goal is to finally be your unique self… this world tries to make you believe that everything has already been found. when in actually, you have found still nothing, because you're still doing the same thing everybody else is… thats the point of escaping. thats the point of freeing yourself from this reality, because in freeing yourself you finally find a place that you have found for yourself.”
I didn’t realize that in finding this place for myself, I couldn’t bring others with me. I can’t bask in sights seen through awakened eyes or feelings of joy and utter contentment with anyone else unless they too, separately, have found their own island of peace- which may look completely different than mine. & so, you’ll still never see what I see- and I’ll still never see what you see.
We can share the words of our experiences, but never our experiences.
And maybe that’s what really experiencing yourself is? There is only one you, and one is the loneliest number.
Truly thinking for yourself is inherently isolating.
Isn’t it ironic though, that in yearning for this deep connection with all - I still find it more preferable to spend my time alone?
Introversion has become a pillar of my way of life- because without alone time, how could I ever think for myself?
And if I can’t think for myself- why am I even here?
Large crowds of people never used to bother me. In my heyday, I bounced around the streets of NYC - unaffected & unamused by the chaos all around.
I’m hyper-sensitized now. More vulnerable, like my insides are on an operating table getting poked at.
Nonetheless, none of it is real. Everything can be easily tuned out by a calm inner state. Watching it all. Attaching to nothing.
Alas, I am human. Never in one place for too long & that’s the point.
We’re here to experience ourselves, that’s all.
Who are you beyond the veil? Without anyone around? Without anything to do? Without anything to pursue? Without the identity that was shaped by the outside?
Where is your island of peace? What do you have to let go of to get there?
A Poem:
I am not the body
Not the hands or the toes
Not the head or the mind
I am not the emotions felt by the body
Nor the thoughts or sensations that arise within it
I am not the past
Nor am I proof of any potential future
I am not the soul
for I feel her presence above me
I am nothing
The space in between it all
The awareness of my beingness
No better place to be
beautiful, bari!!